That morning i woke up feeling the nerves and excitment..
So i got my clothes ready and shower, felt so strange to wear a skirt!
it was half way through Ramadan...
I was meeting the girls who would be my witnesses to my shahadah at the Mosque, to be honest i was thinking so much that i cant even remember how i got there... I remember walking through the gates of the Mosque and being greeted by my witnesses.
I went into a room and put a scarf on for the first time, i still to this day have it in my draws as a joyful reminder :D I tied my hair back! The lady that put my hijab on was such a professional, she did all these fold, pinned it here and there and Ta-daaa.. It felt so firm on my face, as if it was hugging me and i could some how hide my nerves behind it.
The reality of what i was doing was kicking in.. i almost felt sick from nerve but of course my new friends make me feel so comfortable that i got to relax enough to go to the bathroom to see how i looked with my hijab on... WOW when i looked into the mirror, is that me? I look so different lol, i looked like a REAL muslim.. My blue eyes stood out with the blue headband i had under my scarf. Mashallah how different i looked.
So here we go, just writing about my experience is giving me butterflies :D
I walked up the stairs to the woman's section of the Mosque, i had 5 witnesses, 2 men and three woman who were walking behind me... im looking up the stairwell thinking to myself, AM I REALLY DOING THIS? AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING? I felt the whispers of shaytan, doubting my actions.... but being in side the mosque was like a different world to me, it was so quiet, peaceful and calm. Well i thought if i do this and its not what i want or believe then this hole ceremony doesnt mean anything if i dont believe in it. Its only what you make of it and since i had built my expectation up so much and prepared myself for this day, both emotionally and spiritually!
I took my shoes off to walk on the carpet and we sat in a circle on the floor. i remember the sun shining through a window on me, it was beautiful and a reminder of who i was doing all this for... Allah, Allah is the One! So they talked me through all pillars and the Islam beliefs in angels, the day of judgement, paradise and hell etc... All the stuff they said, was just a reminder of what i had been learning for the past 18months. I agreed with it all! total sense and truth!
My heart was racing, a woman i had just meet was holding my hand, showing me such love and support. She was alot older then me, and was kind of a motherly support fugure. Even though i had just meet her and not spoken to her much, the kindness and love was just beeming off her!
time to read my Shahadah:
Ashadu la ilha ilallah, Mohammed wa rasullah (A bear witness that there is no god but Allah and, Mohammed is his final messanger)... Simple as that! i read it in english and Arabic..
As i said my Shahadah, i felt this weight lift of my heart. Unbelievable... I had been walking around with a heavy heart all my life and this one sentence just washed my heart... This burden was gone.. I cried... How Allah had chosen me to be here, to accept islam. All the doubts that i had coming into the Mosque, had gone... I knew and now know 200% that Islam is the true and right religion.. How could something give me such a feeling, such calm and ease.. I felt like, if i died, id be happy! Alhumdiullah! I was sin free, all my previous sins are forgiven and i got to keep all my good deed. I was like a new born baby!
This was the happiest day in my life, everything id been through, all those happy memories were nothing compared to this.. It was an experience and moment in my life that i share with complete strangers, yet so prefect!
They talked me thought the process of what i should do now, go home and have a shower, pray the sunnah and start fasting. Although at the time i couldnt case it was TTOTM for me!
I stayed with my new friend Jo, we had iftar at her house waiting for the rest of the guest to come, we watched a movie about the Miracle of the Quran ... There was atleast 10 ladies there.. They all congratulated me and hugged me.. So welcoming. I witnessed the true sisterhood of Islam, how were were all different, from race, language to background but one thing that pulled us all together AL ISLAM!! Alhdmuillah
I couldnt wipe the smile off my face! It was as if i was living a dream, living someone elses life.. Finally im a Muslim :D
After a long night of laughs, making new friends, great food and my first day as a Muslim i was being dropped off at home.. my mums house, reality was kicking it, i had to face my family. I was home alone and went to sleep like a baby with a smile on my face..
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Hadith that i wanted to share
A Hadith that i wanted to Share:
Once, the Holy Prophet pbuh came to the Masjid for prayer, when he noticed some people laughing and giggling.
He remarked, "If you remembered death, I would not see you like this. Think of your death often. Not a single day passes when the grave does not call out: ‘I am a wilderness, I am a place of dust, I am a place of worms.’
When a believer is placed in the grave, it says; ‘Welcome, it is good of you to have come to me. Of all the people walking on the Earth, I liked you the best. Now you have come in to me, you will see how I entertain you.’
It then expands as far as the occupant can see. A door from Paradise is opened for him in the grave and through this door he gets fresh and fragrant air of Paradise.
However, when a evil man is laid in the grave it says; ‘You are not welcome here. Your coming into me is very bad for you. Of all the people walking on the Earth, I disliked you the most. Now that you have been put into me, you will see how I treat you!’
It then closes upon him so much that his ribs of one side penetrate into the ribs of the other.
As many as seventy serpents are then set upon him, to keep biting him until the day of resurrection.
These serpents are so venomous that if one of them happened to spurt its venom upon the earth, not a single blade of grass would ever grow."
Once, the Holy Prophet pbuh came to the Masjid for prayer, when he noticed some people laughing and giggling.
He remarked, "If you remembered death, I would not see you like this. Think of your death often. Not a single day passes when the grave does not call out: ‘I am a wilderness, I am a place of dust, I am a place of worms.’
When a believer is placed in the grave, it says; ‘Welcome, it is good of you to have come to me. Of all the people walking on the Earth, I liked you the best. Now you have come in to me, you will see how I entertain you.’
It then expands as far as the occupant can see. A door from Paradise is opened for him in the grave and through this door he gets fresh and fragrant air of Paradise.
However, when a evil man is laid in the grave it says; ‘You are not welcome here. Your coming into me is very bad for you. Of all the people walking on the Earth, I disliked you the most. Now that you have been put into me, you will see how I treat you!’
It then closes upon him so much that his ribs of one side penetrate into the ribs of the other.
As many as seventy serpents are then set upon him, to keep biting him until the day of resurrection.
These serpents are so venomous that if one of them happened to spurt its venom upon the earth, not a single blade of grass would ever grow."
Life after burying a loved one
So in short,
i had travel to the country to bury my aunty
taken time off work
done alot of thinking
and i had been totally drained, emotionally and physically
by the time i got back to Sydney i just wanted to sleep...
Ramadan had started already
The first thing i do is, email my friend telling her that i wanted to say my Shahadah and i wanted to know what the next steps were, asap...
She writes back telling me that she will organise my shahadah, she tells me a location and she will organise it for that weekend, the saturday.. Wow its happening, im getting closer to Allah...
I ask her what i should wear and she tells me a skirt and long sleeve shirt.. My gosh i dont own any skirts lol, i live in jeans haha, i eventually found a long black hippy looking skirt to wear and a long sleeve cardigan...
I was so excited, the week went so slow, i returned to work and i just couldnt believe what i was doing. I had this big secret and i walked around with a smile on my face... Alhdmuillah..
As the week came to an end i started to get nerves and butterflies in my stomach.
So i thought i better tell my family, how am i going to do this,what will i say and how will they react? So i had the intention of telling my mum/family before i did it but when i went around to my mums place they had left for the weekend to visit family. Gosh now what, should i put it off till they get back then tell them... geez i always leave everything till the last minute and now look what happens...
But Allah has his plan, and if this is how its going to be, then im just going to go with it... I cant put this off any longer!
On the friday night after work, my best friend picks me up to go eat and hangout like we usually do... I had to break the news to someone, shes knows everything about me and she knows about me researching religion... So after hours of talking with her and trying to think of the right way to tell me, i finally started to tell her...
I said, 'Habibs, i have something to tell you but please dont freak out'.
'Yeah what is it', she says.
'im going to become a Muslim' i tell her.
Ruby said to me 'you know what habibs, iv been waiting for you to tell me that for awhile now. i even told my mum that i think your going to convert'
omg, it was so hard to work up the courage to tell you and u already knew... lol
Alhumdiullah she was so supportive, she told me what ever make you happy habibs...
Mashallah what a good friend she is. Im so thankful to have such a great girl in my life. Shes someone who made life so much easier for me by just being in it..
She ask me when im thinking of doing it...
LOL
i tell her, 'tomorrow'...
Wow thats quick. We talk about the process of becoming a Muslims and what i need to do, where and when it will be done...
It was so great to tell someone who is important to me, and having their approval... Alhdmuillah!
i had travel to the country to bury my aunty
taken time off work
done alot of thinking
and i had been totally drained, emotionally and physically
by the time i got back to Sydney i just wanted to sleep...
Ramadan had started already
The first thing i do is, email my friend telling her that i wanted to say my Shahadah and i wanted to know what the next steps were, asap...
She writes back telling me that she will organise my shahadah, she tells me a location and she will organise it for that weekend, the saturday.. Wow its happening, im getting closer to Allah...
I ask her what i should wear and she tells me a skirt and long sleeve shirt.. My gosh i dont own any skirts lol, i live in jeans haha, i eventually found a long black hippy looking skirt to wear and a long sleeve cardigan...
I was so excited, the week went so slow, i returned to work and i just couldnt believe what i was doing. I had this big secret and i walked around with a smile on my face... Alhdmuillah..
As the week came to an end i started to get nerves and butterflies in my stomach.
So i thought i better tell my family, how am i going to do this,what will i say and how will they react? So i had the intention of telling my mum/family before i did it but when i went around to my mums place they had left for the weekend to visit family. Gosh now what, should i put it off till they get back then tell them... geez i always leave everything till the last minute and now look what happens...
But Allah has his plan, and if this is how its going to be, then im just going to go with it... I cant put this off any longer!
On the friday night after work, my best friend picks me up to go eat and hangout like we usually do... I had to break the news to someone, shes knows everything about me and she knows about me researching religion... So after hours of talking with her and trying to think of the right way to tell me, i finally started to tell her...
I said, 'Habibs, i have something to tell you but please dont freak out'.
'Yeah what is it', she says.
'im going to become a Muslim' i tell her.
Ruby said to me 'you know what habibs, iv been waiting for you to tell me that for awhile now. i even told my mum that i think your going to convert'
omg, it was so hard to work up the courage to tell you and u already knew... lol
Alhumdiullah she was so supportive, she told me what ever make you happy habibs...
Mashallah what a good friend she is. Im so thankful to have such a great girl in my life. Shes someone who made life so much easier for me by just being in it..
She ask me when im thinking of doing it...
LOL
i tell her, 'tomorrow'...
Wow thats quick. We talk about the process of becoming a Muslims and what i need to do, where and when it will be done...
It was so great to tell someone who is important to me, and having their approval... Alhdmuillah!
Ramadan work shop
Just before my aunty had died, i attending a Ramadan workshop!
It was coming up to that time of the year and i was invited to attend this workshop, it just spoke about that Fasting is, how you do it, the rules to follow and who must fast etc... it was really nice and i had lunch afterward with a bunch of Muslim woman which was very educational for me...
During the blessed month of Ramadan, Muslims all over the world abstain from food, drink, and other physical needs during the daylight hours. As a time to purify the soul, refocus attention on God, and practice self-sacrifice, Ramadan is much more than just not eating and drinking.
Muslims are called upon to use this month to re-evaluate their lives in light of Islamic guidance. We are to make peace with those who have wronged us, strengthen ties with family and friends, do away with bad habits -- essentially to clean up our lives, our thoughts, and our feelings. The Arabic word for "fasting" (sawm) literally means "to refrain" - and it means not only refraining from food and drink, but from evil actions, thoughts, and words.
During Ramadan, every part of the body must be restrained. The tongue must be restrained from backbiting and gossip. The eyes must restrain themselves from looking at unlawful things. The hand must not touch or take anything that does not belong to it. The ears must refrain from listening to idle talk or obscene words. The feet must refrain from going to sinful places. In such a way, every part of the body observes the fast.
Therefore, fasting is not merely physical, but is rather the total commitment of the person's body and soul to the spirit of the fast. Ramadan is a time to practice self-restraint; a time to cleanse the body and soul from impurities and re-focus one's self on the worship of God.
I realised that there are so many reverts out there, so many other people who felt like i did, woman who had been through what im going through and have come out the other end being okay :D being a Muslim... I found them so inspirational, so loving and non judgmental. It gave me a real insight into that life a a muslim woman, not like the usual stereotyping that happens in the media and what u see in the streets... I meet so real God Fearing people, woman who dont swear, who dress modestly, who are polite and inviting.
It was coming up to that time of the year and i was invited to attend this workshop, it just spoke about that Fasting is, how you do it, the rules to follow and who must fast etc... it was really nice and i had lunch afterward with a bunch of Muslim woman which was very educational for me...
During the blessed month of Ramadan, Muslims all over the world abstain from food, drink, and other physical needs during the daylight hours. As a time to purify the soul, refocus attention on God, and practice self-sacrifice, Ramadan is much more than just not eating and drinking.
Muslims are called upon to use this month to re-evaluate their lives in light of Islamic guidance. We are to make peace with those who have wronged us, strengthen ties with family and friends, do away with bad habits -- essentially to clean up our lives, our thoughts, and our feelings. The Arabic word for "fasting" (sawm) literally means "to refrain" - and it means not only refraining from food and drink, but from evil actions, thoughts, and words.
During Ramadan, every part of the body must be restrained. The tongue must be restrained from backbiting and gossip. The eyes must restrain themselves from looking at unlawful things. The hand must not touch or take anything that does not belong to it. The ears must refrain from listening to idle talk or obscene words. The feet must refrain from going to sinful places. In such a way, every part of the body observes the fast.
Therefore, fasting is not merely physical, but is rather the total commitment of the person's body and soul to the spirit of the fast. Ramadan is a time to practice self-restraint; a time to cleanse the body and soul from impurities and re-focus one's self on the worship of God.
I realised that there are so many reverts out there, so many other people who felt like i did, woman who had been through what im going through and have come out the other end being okay :D being a Muslim... I found them so inspirational, so loving and non judgmental. It gave me a real insight into that life a a muslim woman, not like the usual stereotyping that happens in the media and what u see in the streets... I meet so real God Fearing people, woman who dont swear, who dress modestly, who are polite and inviting.
The Decision
The night that my aunty died, we had so many visitors..
And among them was a few Priest who were close to the family and had close ties to my grandmother and our community..
While they visited everyone sat in a circle and prayed for my aunty, they sung some christian songs and i felt so uncomfortable, i backed my self into a corner not wanting anything to do with them. They got my to join and it felt so wrong, i didnt beleive in anything they were saying, i felt like i was portraying Allah, i felt like i was sinning... How could i do this, a warning of Death has come to me, my aunty has died, i beleive in islam and yet im here with these ppl doing things that are Haraam
But i was in just shock and sorrow that i didnt have the heart to say anything.. :( I returned to my room to Read Quran, Alhdmuillah such peace came over my heart, i thought long and hard about my life, where i was and where i wanted to be....
I had to do something, i felt like i was in limbo... walking across the string of life, swaying from side to side.
What was i to do? The biggest Decision of my life was coming and i had no choice, i couldnt live life like this any more! Was i going to convert to Islam and live my life the way i wanted to and die in the State of ISlam or was i going to keep putting it off to please everyone else...
Ya Allah, help me, Guide me, Give me the strength i need to get through this. I prayed and cried so much..
By the morning time i had decided, i have to do this, i need to do this.. Allah has blessed my heart and opened my eyes to Islam to see the truth and no matter how hard it may seem all i could think about was, if i die and face my Lord and he asked my why i didnt accept islam, i couldnt say anything i had no excuse, no reason except that the Shaytan was making me think it was hard and that i didnt want to upset my family..
But will my mum hold my hard when i face my Lord, no one will, no one will answer for me or defend me.. .Im on my own and i should make this choice based on being on my own...
I sick of pleasing others, i need to do this for me...
I had decided in my heart that i will accept Islam, once my aunty is Buried and i return home im going to organise with my friend to say my shahadah inshallah..
I gave myself i time limit to when i will take this step... within the month i will be a muslim :D inshallah
And among them was a few Priest who were close to the family and had close ties to my grandmother and our community..
While they visited everyone sat in a circle and prayed for my aunty, they sung some christian songs and i felt so uncomfortable, i backed my self into a corner not wanting anything to do with them. They got my to join and it felt so wrong, i didnt beleive in anything they were saying, i felt like i was portraying Allah, i felt like i was sinning... How could i do this, a warning of Death has come to me, my aunty has died, i beleive in islam and yet im here with these ppl doing things that are Haraam
But i was in just shock and sorrow that i didnt have the heart to say anything.. :( I returned to my room to Read Quran, Alhdmuillah such peace came over my heart, i thought long and hard about my life, where i was and where i wanted to be....
I had to do something, i felt like i was in limbo... walking across the string of life, swaying from side to side.
What was i to do? The biggest Decision of my life was coming and i had no choice, i couldnt live life like this any more! Was i going to convert to Islam and live my life the way i wanted to and die in the State of ISlam or was i going to keep putting it off to please everyone else...
Ya Allah, help me, Guide me, Give me the strength i need to get through this. I prayed and cried so much..
By the morning time i had decided, i have to do this, i need to do this.. Allah has blessed my heart and opened my eyes to Islam to see the truth and no matter how hard it may seem all i could think about was, if i die and face my Lord and he asked my why i didnt accept islam, i couldnt say anything i had no excuse, no reason except that the Shaytan was making me think it was hard and that i didnt want to upset my family..
But will my mum hold my hard when i face my Lord, no one will, no one will answer for me or defend me.. .Im on my own and i should make this choice based on being on my own...
I sick of pleasing others, i need to do this for me...
I had decided in my heart that i will accept Islam, once my aunty is Buried and i return home im going to organise with my friend to say my shahadah inshallah..
I gave myself i time limit to when i will take this step... within the month i will be a muslim :D inshallah
Thursday, July 8, 2010
My Darling Aunty Jeannie
It was 4am and i was still up, sitting on the p.c.
The home phone rang, and i had this sick feeling in my gut! I hesitantly got up and took the few step to the phone.....
Its my Uncle David, we say each others name and tears streamed down my face... he hadnt said anything else to me and i knew...
I said, 'Whats wrong uncle dave'
He said, 'put your father on'
'okay'
then i can hear my dad walking out with a cross look on his face, he was annoyed that someone was call at this time and that i was up..
i said, 'its uncle dave, he wants to talk to you'
I hand the phone over and sit about a meter away from him on a chair, hanging off every word my dad says, trying to fill out the missing parts of the conversation.
I started to cry before i could even hear my dads reply....
My Aunty had died, My God, how could this happen? she was fine, she just had a baby and was only 33 years old..
I never felt such heartache in my life! The feelings and emotions that i went through that day were unimaginable. I sat on the lounge and sobbed, asking why, how and when did all this happen.
She was my favorite Aunty, the young one who was so much fun. She had the best smile and an incredible smile. When ever i knew she was coming from a visit, id keep the night free cause we always sat up talking till early hours of the morning..
We talked about, God, Death, Angels and loved ones who had past away.. I imagined her in my distant future, always being there.. and now my world has been turned upside down..
I was so sad to think that i was never able to give her the message of Islam. If id only done something sooner, maybe she would have accept Islam..
This day was one of the longest days in my life...........
From the time i heard the news, i had to start preparing for visitors. Since my mum was the eldest and we were in Sydney, most of the people, family, friends etc would be coming some time today..
I was under alot of pressure, my step dad was sick, i had no religion, my mum wasnt with me and i had just lost an very important person it my life...
Was this my second warning for Allah, reminding me of Death... or was it all just a coincidence? What if im next? What if the Angel of Death comes to me tonight to take my soul? What if im the next to die?
I remember reading from the Quran:
(In Falsehood will they be) Until, when death comes to one of them, he says: "O my Lord! send me back (to life),- 23:99 Surah Al-Mu'muinun
Would i be one of those people? To die, knowing Islam but not accepting it.. What would my Lord say to me? All the sins i have on my heart, why would Allah give me anything when i wont even declare that he is the One and True God.
I miss my aunty so so much, its been years since i heard her voice or seen her beautiful smile... Inshallah i will see her again, inshallah in the afterlife!
The home phone rang, and i had this sick feeling in my gut! I hesitantly got up and took the few step to the phone.....
Its my Uncle David, we say each others name and tears streamed down my face... he hadnt said anything else to me and i knew...
I said, 'Whats wrong uncle dave'
He said, 'put your father on'
'okay'
then i can hear my dad walking out with a cross look on his face, he was annoyed that someone was call at this time and that i was up..
i said, 'its uncle dave, he wants to talk to you'
I hand the phone over and sit about a meter away from him on a chair, hanging off every word my dad says, trying to fill out the missing parts of the conversation.
I started to cry before i could even hear my dads reply....
My Aunty had died, My God, how could this happen? she was fine, she just had a baby and was only 33 years old..
I never felt such heartache in my life! The feelings and emotions that i went through that day were unimaginable. I sat on the lounge and sobbed, asking why, how and when did all this happen.
She was my favorite Aunty, the young one who was so much fun. She had the best smile and an incredible smile. When ever i knew she was coming from a visit, id keep the night free cause we always sat up talking till early hours of the morning..
We talked about, God, Death, Angels and loved ones who had past away.. I imagined her in my distant future, always being there.. and now my world has been turned upside down..
I was so sad to think that i was never able to give her the message of Islam. If id only done something sooner, maybe she would have accept Islam..
This day was one of the longest days in my life...........
From the time i heard the news, i had to start preparing for visitors. Since my mum was the eldest and we were in Sydney, most of the people, family, friends etc would be coming some time today..
I was under alot of pressure, my step dad was sick, i had no religion, my mum wasnt with me and i had just lost an very important person it my life...
Was this my second warning for Allah, reminding me of Death... or was it all just a coincidence? What if im next? What if the Angel of Death comes to me tonight to take my soul? What if im the next to die?
I remember reading from the Quran:
(In Falsehood will they be) Until, when death comes to one of them, he says: "O my Lord! send me back (to life),- 23:99 Surah Al-Mu'muinun
Would i be one of those people? To die, knowing Islam but not accepting it.. What would my Lord say to me? All the sins i have on my heart, why would Allah give me anything when i wont even declare that he is the One and True God.
I miss my aunty so so much, its been years since i heard her voice or seen her beautiful smile... Inshallah i will see her again, inshallah in the afterlife!
An Event that changed my life forever
It had been about 2-3 months since my nephew had died and life was getting back to normal and i was still leading my second life, learning about Islam.
At this stage i knew i wanted to be a Muslim but i just couldnt find the strength to do it, i knew that it would be hard for me and my family whom i love so dearly.
I felt so alone in life, i would sleep at night and my heart would ache. But i soldiered on and put on a happy face. I prayed to God so many time, at night i would talk to Him and ask for a way out, for help, for Him to make it easy..
My Auntie Jeannie was pregnant with her fourth child, a baby girl :D its was so exciting the thought of having another baby around. It was just by chance that two of my aunties (sisters) were both due around the same time.
September, cant remember the exact date but my aunty leslie had a baby boys on the monday, then on the tuesday or wednesday my aunty jeannie had her daughter. Mashallah what an exciting time.. two babies in the family in less then a week. It was so exciting.. At the time my mum and bothers were my the coast with my aunt jeannie cause she had been really sick from this pregnancy, so my mum went to help out for the last few weeks of her pregnancy.
Im sitting in the car with my friend Ruby and my phone rings, its my mum. She tells me your aunt is being flown down to Sydney because she in a critical condition... huh said, what do u mean, i dont understand? My mum said, she ok but they want to send her to Sydney so she can get better treatment.. The baby is okay, my mum says to me. i asked is she going to be okay, my mum assured me that she will be alright but the sound of her voice wasnt assuring at all...
i didnt know what was wrong, just that it was something to do with having the baby... So my mum suggest that i call her on her mobile before she gets on to the helicopter... hhmmm okay then.
i started to tell my friend about what was going on, and we got carried away in conversation. and before i knew it, it was too late to call her... 'oh well', i thought, there is always tomorrow. Ill call her or visit her tomorrow..
I stayed out pretty late that night, till about 2:30 in the morning. My girlfriend dropped me off at my mum and step dads house which was my 2nd home after my dads house. I jumped on the computer and surfed the net which became a habit of mine..
At this stage i knew i wanted to be a Muslim but i just couldnt find the strength to do it, i knew that it would be hard for me and my family whom i love so dearly.
I felt so alone in life, i would sleep at night and my heart would ache. But i soldiered on and put on a happy face. I prayed to God so many time, at night i would talk to Him and ask for a way out, for help, for Him to make it easy..
My Auntie Jeannie was pregnant with her fourth child, a baby girl :D its was so exciting the thought of having another baby around. It was just by chance that two of my aunties (sisters) were both due around the same time.
September, cant remember the exact date but my aunty leslie had a baby boys on the monday, then on the tuesday or wednesday my aunty jeannie had her daughter. Mashallah what an exciting time.. two babies in the family in less then a week. It was so exciting.. At the time my mum and bothers were my the coast with my aunt jeannie cause she had been really sick from this pregnancy, so my mum went to help out for the last few weeks of her pregnancy.
Im sitting in the car with my friend Ruby and my phone rings, its my mum. She tells me your aunt is being flown down to Sydney because she in a critical condition... huh said, what do u mean, i dont understand? My mum said, she ok but they want to send her to Sydney so she can get better treatment.. The baby is okay, my mum says to me. i asked is she going to be okay, my mum assured me that she will be alright but the sound of her voice wasnt assuring at all...
i didnt know what was wrong, just that it was something to do with having the baby... So my mum suggest that i call her on her mobile before she gets on to the helicopter... hhmmm okay then.
i started to tell my friend about what was going on, and we got carried away in conversation. and before i knew it, it was too late to call her... 'oh well', i thought, there is always tomorrow. Ill call her or visit her tomorrow..
I stayed out pretty late that night, till about 2:30 in the morning. My girlfriend dropped me off at my mum and step dads house which was my 2nd home after my dads house. I jumped on the computer and surfed the net which became a habit of mine..
Islam is just a continuation of Christianity
Islam just seem to be a continuation of Christianity.
These two religions have so much in common, the same angel that revealed the Bible to Jesus, is the same angel that sent revelations to Mohammed pbuh.. The Angel Gabriel/ Jibril.
Islam believe in all the previous prophets, Noah, Jesus, Moses, Abraham etc.... Islam doesn’t deny that Jesus preformed Miracles, but only with the permission of Allah.
So when letting go of Christianity, i was still taking part of it with me :D
The Quran just amazed me! I was becoming more convinced with the more i learnt.
Some of the amazing miracles in the Quran, tell of scientific facts that were only recently discovered. Now just imagine that you were in the desert 1400 years ago, would you know this stuff?
Back years ago into the 19th century everyone thought that the world was flat, but in the Quran it says the following: [79:30] He made the earth egg-shaped. The Quran was revealed 1400yrs ago, how could Mohammed pbuh know this?
And Look up information about Brackish Water will help you understand the following more.
The Holy Quran mentioned that there is a barrier between two seas that meet and that they do not transgress. God has said:
He has set free the two seas meeting together. There is a barrier between them. They do not transgress. (Quran, 55:19-20)
But when the Quran speaks about the divider between fresh and salt water, it mentions the existence of “a forbidding partition” with the barrier. God has said in the Quran:
He is the one who has set free the two kinds of water, one sweet and palatable, and the other salty and bitter. And He has made between them a barrier and a forbidding partition. (Quran, 25:53)
There are many more examples in the Quran, just do a quick search on the net.
So many more beautiful things impressed me about Islam;
The treatment of the elderly
How everyone in the family has a role and a purpose
The fact that charity is required on every able Muslim
That we don’t drink or abuse out bodies
But most of all, Womans rights Mashallah we are the most liberated woman in the world...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Finally getting it off my chest
Death was on my mind............................... all the time!
I eventually went back to work and tried to get on with life!! My life! My lost life!!
I start to make some contacts via the internet, i made some penpals who were muslim, some were reverts and some were just keen on helping me learn more about Islam..
I got into contact with a lovely group of ladies, who ran a dawah (propagating Islam) group, for those interested in Islam.. They had fortnightly gatherings and sent me many books and some great links to useful site... but i still didnt have the courage to attend and make some Muslim friends, i felt embarrassed, i looked so aussie - tall, skinny and blonde lol.. i couldnt look more aussie if i wanted too haha...
(Remember: i didnt have any Muslim friends, and no one knew about what i was doing, except my friend ruby)
Eventually i had coffee with one of the sisters, she was so incredibly kind, so soft and friendly... We just talked about various topics, about her life, my life, family, religion... She was just so non-judgemental.. Mashallah! She really put my heart at ease, it felt great to finally talk to someone about how i was feeling, what i was wondering and my complicated life situation.. She was also a revert so she had so much understanding for what i was going through..
And things were left at that, we kept in contact and i kept falling more in love with Islam, With Allah and With Mohammed pbuh....
As i look back on my life i can see how so many little things, were all leading me in one direction. Everything that happened to me, physically, emotional, mentally it all drew me closer to Allah...
Alhumdiullah, Alhumduillah, Alhumduillah
Allah works in mysterious ways!!
I eventually went back to work and tried to get on with life!! My life! My lost life!!
I start to make some contacts via the internet, i made some penpals who were muslim, some were reverts and some were just keen on helping me learn more about Islam..
I got into contact with a lovely group of ladies, who ran a dawah (propagating Islam) group, for those interested in Islam.. They had fortnightly gatherings and sent me many books and some great links to useful site... but i still didnt have the courage to attend and make some Muslim friends, i felt embarrassed, i looked so aussie - tall, skinny and blonde lol.. i couldnt look more aussie if i wanted too haha...
(Remember: i didnt have any Muslim friends, and no one knew about what i was doing, except my friend ruby)
Eventually i had coffee with one of the sisters, she was so incredibly kind, so soft and friendly... We just talked about various topics, about her life, my life, family, religion... She was just so non-judgemental.. Mashallah! She really put my heart at ease, it felt great to finally talk to someone about how i was feeling, what i was wondering and my complicated life situation.. She was also a revert so she had so much understanding for what i was going through..
And things were left at that, we kept in contact and i kept falling more in love with Islam, With Allah and With Mohammed pbuh....
As i look back on my life i can see how so many little things, were all leading me in one direction. Everything that happened to me, physically, emotional, mentally it all drew me closer to Allah...
Alhumdiullah, Alhumduillah, Alhumduillah
Allah works in mysterious ways!!
A horrible call
Everything was going along fine until in 2005 the day after my 21st birthday....
I was at work, my co-workers had secretly arranged a cake for me and just before they bring it out, my phone rings, its my mum, she in a panic and talking about my sisters son being in an accident.
I freaked out, my sister was on a helicopter to Sydney with her 7 and a half month old son and i didnt know how bad it was or what had happened... I didnt want to start crying in front of the people i worked with, so i got up and ran straight past my birthday cake lol.... just as i flung the back door open tears streamed down my face... a woman i was close to followed me, asked me whats wrong and hugged me... i told about my sisters son and she told me get ur stuff, ill drop u off home so u can be with ur family...
Oh gosh i just wasnt prepared for what was to come...
I got home and my mum picked me up and we went to RPA and i seen my sister for the first time in 3 years... since she had ran away from home when she was 16yo. She still looked the same, i could see that she had been cry, she came to me and hugged me like she needed me..
I had to cry, she kept saying, if he dies im going to kill myself, i cant live without him... this is all my fault, what have i done? She told me the story, her boyfriend had shaken her son to the point he had caused brain damage..
I walked over and seen my nephew for the first time, laying in a bed, naked with tubes everywhere and bandages around his head.. he look so peaceful, as if he was just sleeping.. i just wanted to pick him up and hug him... my poor sister, she couldnt even do that..
All i could think about was, Allah, Allah has blessed me with another day of life, and extra opportunity to accept Islam...
I stayed in the hospital for 2 days with her, i couldnt sleep knowing how suicidal she was. They did test over and over, but he was non responsive. He was Brain dead and there was no chance of him recovering.. My sister had to decide to turn the life support off and if she wanted to donate any of his organs...
Oh course in Islam your not ment to but i didnt want to inflence my sisters decision. i didnt want her to feel like i forced her to do anything... this was her son and her choice... She was only allowed to give certain organs because of how he died, some part of his body were needed as evidence against the man that did this...
So we said i final good byes, cut a lock of his hair, some photos and a hand and foot print for my sister to keep as a memory..
I found so much comfort in Islam, to know that my darling nephew will Inshallah be one of the children in paradise that will be waiting for his mummy at the gates...
It took 2 weeks for the coroner to be finished with him so that we could bury him.. oh the time went on so long, i wonder so much, how could Allah do this to my sister, to my nephew, to my family, to me..... and i think the whole experience drew me closer to Islam, its what made my heart fee at ease... Knowing that this life is only a tempory place and that once we die, where ever we go, its forever... I started to see our true purpose, our meaning and our one true goal in this life... TO WORSHIP ALLAH OUR CREATOR!!!
This was such a deep experience for me and it scared me so much, i thought if i die, im going straight to hell, ill be burning for eternity... My gosh what if i go to sleep and never wake up, what about when im questions about why i didnt accept islam.. how many stupid excuses would i come up with...
I was thinking about death ALL the time, it was driving me nut! Thats when i started to read alo0t about death in Islam, our soul, what happens in the grave, when do we meet God and how we are all judged...
I Believe it all and still i kept going on with my life, trying to hide the guilt of my sins and the thoughts of death...
I was at work, my co-workers had secretly arranged a cake for me and just before they bring it out, my phone rings, its my mum, she in a panic and talking about my sisters son being in an accident.
I freaked out, my sister was on a helicopter to Sydney with her 7 and a half month old son and i didnt know how bad it was or what had happened... I didnt want to start crying in front of the people i worked with, so i got up and ran straight past my birthday cake lol.... just as i flung the back door open tears streamed down my face... a woman i was close to followed me, asked me whats wrong and hugged me... i told about my sisters son and she told me get ur stuff, ill drop u off home so u can be with ur family...
Oh gosh i just wasnt prepared for what was to come...
I got home and my mum picked me up and we went to RPA and i seen my sister for the first time in 3 years... since she had ran away from home when she was 16yo. She still looked the same, i could see that she had been cry, she came to me and hugged me like she needed me..
I had to cry, she kept saying, if he dies im going to kill myself, i cant live without him... this is all my fault, what have i done? She told me the story, her boyfriend had shaken her son to the point he had caused brain damage..
I walked over and seen my nephew for the first time, laying in a bed, naked with tubes everywhere and bandages around his head.. he look so peaceful, as if he was just sleeping.. i just wanted to pick him up and hug him... my poor sister, she couldnt even do that..
All i could think about was, Allah, Allah has blessed me with another day of life, and extra opportunity to accept Islam...
I stayed in the hospital for 2 days with her, i couldnt sleep knowing how suicidal she was. They did test over and over, but he was non responsive. He was Brain dead and there was no chance of him recovering.. My sister had to decide to turn the life support off and if she wanted to donate any of his organs...
Oh course in Islam your not ment to but i didnt want to inflence my sisters decision. i didnt want her to feel like i forced her to do anything... this was her son and her choice... She was only allowed to give certain organs because of how he died, some part of his body were needed as evidence against the man that did this...
So we said i final good byes, cut a lock of his hair, some photos and a hand and foot print for my sister to keep as a memory..
I found so much comfort in Islam, to know that my darling nephew will Inshallah be one of the children in paradise that will be waiting for his mummy at the gates...
It took 2 weeks for the coroner to be finished with him so that we could bury him.. oh the time went on so long, i wonder so much, how could Allah do this to my sister, to my nephew, to my family, to me..... and i think the whole experience drew me closer to Islam, its what made my heart fee at ease... Knowing that this life is only a tempory place and that once we die, where ever we go, its forever... I started to see our true purpose, our meaning and our one true goal in this life... TO WORSHIP ALLAH OUR CREATOR!!!
This was such a deep experience for me and it scared me so much, i thought if i die, im going straight to hell, ill be burning for eternity... My gosh what if i go to sleep and never wake up, what about when im questions about why i didnt accept islam.. how many stupid excuses would i come up with...
I was thinking about death ALL the time, it was driving me nut! Thats when i started to read alo0t about death in Islam, our soul, what happens in the grave, when do we meet God and how we are all judged...
I Believe it all and still i kept going on with my life, trying to hide the guilt of my sins and the thoughts of death...
reading reading and more reading
I remembered one time when i finally worked up the courage to walk into a book store and get a copy of the Quran and another book about Mohammed the Messanger of Islam, it was a store in the city, just one of those normal book store, they didnt have much of a selection but it was easier to buy a book there then it was to go to Lakemba and walk into one of those Islam religious book stores lol.. where the men wore they lil caps and abayas...
So i got these two books and read them, but i could see a vast difference between the authors. The book store sold books from non muslim authors and i could tell that they didnt believe in Mohammed being a Prophet and they just sounded so skeptical, where as when i read from islamic website the information was so much more detailed.. I realised that i need to get my information from good sources. So i would print books off the internet at work without anyone knowing or see what i was doing..
Now i was in the mind set, that i need to know more, just a little bit more to make up my mind.. ill just read one more book.. I loved reading about the miracle of the Quran, it made me believe so much more... its stunning that this information was there my whole life and id never came across it, no one had told me about it, not even the Muslims that i went to school with..
In my head i was like, 'wow this is a great religion, how beautiful, but how come i dont know anyone who is like these mulsims that i read about?' i questioned myself, am i reading all this information correctly, is this religion really this fair?
I read about Hijab, and about Jesus, about marriage, about death, about our purpose, about jihad and everything made so much sense....
Whats going on with me? Am i really thinking of becoming a MUSLIM?
As i was learning, i would share what id discovered with my best friend (Ruby ill call her). She was the only person who had a hint of what was going on with me.. I hide it so well from my work, family, friend and it was like i had a 2nd life.
So i got these two books and read them, but i could see a vast difference between the authors. The book store sold books from non muslim authors and i could tell that they didnt believe in Mohammed being a Prophet and they just sounded so skeptical, where as when i read from islamic website the information was so much more detailed.. I realised that i need to get my information from good sources. So i would print books off the internet at work without anyone knowing or see what i was doing..
Now i was in the mind set, that i need to know more, just a little bit more to make up my mind.. ill just read one more book.. I loved reading about the miracle of the Quran, it made me believe so much more... its stunning that this information was there my whole life and id never came across it, no one had told me about it, not even the Muslims that i went to school with..
In my head i was like, 'wow this is a great religion, how beautiful, but how come i dont know anyone who is like these mulsims that i read about?' i questioned myself, am i reading all this information correctly, is this religion really this fair?
I read about Hijab, and about Jesus, about marriage, about death, about our purpose, about jihad and everything made so much sense....
Whats going on with me? Am i really thinking of becoming a MUSLIM?
As i was learning, i would share what id discovered with my best friend (Ruby ill call her). She was the only person who had a hint of what was going on with me.. I hide it so well from my work, family, friend and it was like i had a 2nd life.
Looking at religions and finally stumbled across Islam
From the moment that i started to Seek Allah even when i was just reading about different religions, it gave me such a satisfying feeling, which was so weird for me. I knew i was doing something right, i knew i was heading in the right direction...
One day when i was at home and was moving stuff around, i find it so hard to get rid of things... i still have birthday cards from when i was 5yo... I then come across a book my school friend had given me, it was about the most popular practices a Muslim follows... so of course it attracted my attention because id been reading about religion for awhile now....
It was the first time i had really ever thought of Islam as even a religious option, i just kinda thought 'oh they are alright ppl, mostly arabs, and they follow some guy named Mohammed'.. i had many muslim friends, i went to a school with mostly muslims... not many of them practicing but i had a close friend, i remember he had organised with the school to use a particular room to be able to pray in.. so sometimes he would take off and go pray.. this was the same friend who gave me the book about common practices of Muslims..
So i came across this book that id had in my possession for about 5yrs, i opened it and i learnt so many thing i didnt know. It wasnt so much about the beliefs but about how clean they were and somethings that stood out was, stepping into the house with the right foot, eating with the right hand and say Bismillah when you eat or do anything as a form or worship...
I remember thinking Wow these people are really dedicated, i think back to Muslim i knew and how they were and compared it to how they should be and i seen a BIG difference. So i started to look up some websites and i came across a few site giving free islamic books and started to read abit about islam...
The more i would learn and understand the religion, the more i wanted to know... i was FALLING IN LOVE with this religion. I stopped reading about other religion because my feeling were leading me to do what i was doing. I didnt even realise what was going on, i just kinda had in my head,
'Well how can i say its not the right religion if i know nothing about it'...
Thinking back, Allah was softening my heart towards Islam :D... Growing up is a popular Muslim area i mostly seen the bad side of Muslim, the non practicing Muslim.. How the boys would swear and have no respect for anyone, how the girls would always say, nah i cant do this, i cant do that, or how many of them would speak in arabic and give you funny looks and even steal your parking spot lol...
Dont get me wrong i had a close bunch of friends who were Muslim and they didnt really practice, just fast in ramadan and thats it but they were a great bunch of people to know, they respected me so much and i had alot of respect for them.
So i started to become a little obsessed about it LOL, reading non stop, hiding my books that said the word Islam on the cover when i was on the train or going to the park for my lunch break to be able to read comfortably without any of my co workers questioning me about what i was reading..
It had become this big secret of mine, i slowly stopped eating pig, then stopped drinking, then my clothes started to cover abit more over time and then i came to a point where i didnt have anything to do with my past beliefs, i titled my self as a non-christian, so i said to people i believe in God but not sure which religion i would worship God through yet.
I was over the whole dating scene, i wasnt interested in boyfriends or dating, it all seemed kinda pointless to me. It was always the same story, most guys only want one thing and it usually doesnt take long to figure it out and by that time they have talked about you, made you look bad or easy and ur reputation and feelings are tarnished..
I had one thing on my mind, and i was really excited and happy at the thought of finding answers and making a positive change, i felt as if 'i was coming closer to God'..
One day when i was at home and was moving stuff around, i find it so hard to get rid of things... i still have birthday cards from when i was 5yo... I then come across a book my school friend had given me, it was about the most popular practices a Muslim follows... so of course it attracted my attention because id been reading about religion for awhile now....
It was the first time i had really ever thought of Islam as even a religious option, i just kinda thought 'oh they are alright ppl, mostly arabs, and they follow some guy named Mohammed'.. i had many muslim friends, i went to a school with mostly muslims... not many of them practicing but i had a close friend, i remember he had organised with the school to use a particular room to be able to pray in.. so sometimes he would take off and go pray.. this was the same friend who gave me the book about common practices of Muslims..
So i came across this book that id had in my possession for about 5yrs, i opened it and i learnt so many thing i didnt know. It wasnt so much about the beliefs but about how clean they were and somethings that stood out was, stepping into the house with the right foot, eating with the right hand and say Bismillah when you eat or do anything as a form or worship...
I remember thinking Wow these people are really dedicated, i think back to Muslim i knew and how they were and compared it to how they should be and i seen a BIG difference. So i started to look up some websites and i came across a few site giving free islamic books and started to read abit about islam...
The more i would learn and understand the religion, the more i wanted to know... i was FALLING IN LOVE with this religion. I stopped reading about other religion because my feeling were leading me to do what i was doing. I didnt even realise what was going on, i just kinda had in my head,
'Well how can i say its not the right religion if i know nothing about it'...
Thinking back, Allah was softening my heart towards Islam :D... Growing up is a popular Muslim area i mostly seen the bad side of Muslim, the non practicing Muslim.. How the boys would swear and have no respect for anyone, how the girls would always say, nah i cant do this, i cant do that, or how many of them would speak in arabic and give you funny looks and even steal your parking spot lol...
Dont get me wrong i had a close bunch of friends who were Muslim and they didnt really practice, just fast in ramadan and thats it but they were a great bunch of people to know, they respected me so much and i had alot of respect for them.
So i started to become a little obsessed about it LOL, reading non stop, hiding my books that said the word Islam on the cover when i was on the train or going to the park for my lunch break to be able to read comfortably without any of my co workers questioning me about what i was reading..
It had become this big secret of mine, i slowly stopped eating pig, then stopped drinking, then my clothes started to cover abit more over time and then i came to a point where i didnt have anything to do with my past beliefs, i titled my self as a non-christian, so i said to people i believe in God but not sure which religion i would worship God through yet.
I was over the whole dating scene, i wasnt interested in boyfriends or dating, it all seemed kinda pointless to me. It was always the same story, most guys only want one thing and it usually doesnt take long to figure it out and by that time they have talked about you, made you look bad or easy and ur reputation and feelings are tarnished..
I had one thing on my mind, and i was really excited and happy at the thought of finding answers and making a positive change, i felt as if 'i was coming closer to God'..
Monday, July 5, 2010
My life before Islam
so here we go, let me set the scene of life before Islam...
I was a Christian but the only time i ever did anything really 'christian' was at a funeral or wedding. I did think of God occasionally but i kept myself so busy that i didnt really think of the purpose of life.
At the age of 20 id been working in the City in a full time job for quiet awhile, had heaps of friends and a pretty good social life. My family was normal for this day and age. Id had alot of freedom from a young age so my parents were pretty comfortable with my lifestyle. So i did the usual 'fun' stuff, clubbing, drinking, playing pool, dating, being an independent woman etc... It was at this time i was, studying, working and i went out 3-4 time a week so as you could imagine life was pretty full on for me.
I found myself is a cycle of working all week, shopping for new outfits for the weekend and speading most of my money enjoying life... which made me pretty happy. Id had a boyfriend who i was on and off with for a few years.. I remember time where i have a drink of burbon before going to bed just for the hec of it, id watch some tv and have a glass or two. I was doing other extra curricle activities that i wont mention too.
It was in 2004 that i started to question my life, when i would be out with friend, everything seemed great to me but when i was at home going to sleep i felt so depressed. I felt so alone and i had no goals, no aim and no real purpose.. What was i here for? Why did God create me?
Would i ever meet someone to share my life with? where would i be 5, 10, 20yrs? i had no answers to theses questions just a sad feeling of being lost... i felt like 'if i die tomorrow, no one would miss me, no one would care'. Id have dreams or more like nightmares of dying and noone being at my funeral..
Because i had the internet at work, id surf the net and read about interesting topics... i remember reading about matchmaking and i soon realise that i wasnt going to the right places to meet the right guy... So i thought how will i chose someone, according to culture, religion, love etc.... i soon came to realise that Religion is an important issue, so did i want to be with someone who was a Christian, a jew, a muslim, a hindu, a jahovas witness????????// who knows!!
So i thought to myself, i should pick a religion for myself and find someone according to my beliefs. id imagine that if id marry someone different that down the track if i did want to become more religious that it would cause problems...
So my journey Started, a few things changed for me over a few week/months
I started to think of Allah 100 times a day and more, now for me this was strange. Id see people on the train and try guessing their religion or if they even had one. Id see places of worship and wonder what was inside.
I thought about what would happen to me if i died, i was bound for Hell.. and it scared me!
I thought about people in my life who had passed away and wondered what was happening to them, did they meet our creator? were they being punished? were they happy sitting in paradise?
I had so many questions and a deep desire for the truth.
I said to my Best friend, you know what, im going to find out the right religion! :D Oh how much i ment it! SubhanAllah how Allah guides people. I know for sure Allah does know us more then we know ourselves.
i was reading books about the different Sects in Christianity, i read until i didnt beleive it, then id move on to another. I read some really interesting theories, but i was looking for real solid answers, i wanted some proof.. Id been a christian for a long time and had been exposed to the beliefs, my mum gave me the opportunity to go to church on sundays.. She didnt come with us but she dropped us off and picked up up! She said she wanted to give us the choice... this was when i was about 10 or 11yo.
Then i watched this movie, i cant remember what it was called but it was about the first black American child to go to a white school... it was really sad to see how racist ppl were... anyways, people protested and pulled their kids out of the school. The family was Christian and they had picture of Jesus in their house, on the cross, and others of him in the cradle etc.. Well in the movie the father pulled all the pictures depicting Jesus down.. The mother asked why are you doing this? He said that it was teaching his daughter that while people are superior and that she (the daughter said something referring to this.) The father thought it was wrong to have false imagines of Jesus, which were probably drawn by white people... Even as a young child i thought wow, he does have a point.. Who are these people to create fake imagine of someone and worship them.... So eventually i stopped going to Church...
I read about the Jewish belief and it sounds nice but some things i didnt like and felt wrong to me. Like if you convert to their religion your still not seems as a real jew until you have been in their religion for a certain amount of time and that a revert couldnt marry a rabbi because they are not at the same level (meaning she wasnt worth of him).. didnt seem really fair... i also discovered that in Judaism the woman becomes the mans property and if her husband dies, the bother in law can inherit her. How strange is that... Anyways just like Christianity has different sects so does Judaism.
so i moved on... i read about Hinduism, but it all just seemsed racist to me. they have a cast system and depending on the color of ur skin, it changed ur level/cast... people in a particular cast could only marry others of the same cast, and could only do particular jobs... i know it does sound abit weird.
I had done so much reading, i read at work, on the train, at home anywhere.... while i was waiting at the bank or the chemist.... i must have looked like such a nerd lol...
I was a Christian but the only time i ever did anything really 'christian' was at a funeral or wedding. I did think of God occasionally but i kept myself so busy that i didnt really think of the purpose of life.
At the age of 20 id been working in the City in a full time job for quiet awhile, had heaps of friends and a pretty good social life. My family was normal for this day and age. Id had alot of freedom from a young age so my parents were pretty comfortable with my lifestyle. So i did the usual 'fun' stuff, clubbing, drinking, playing pool, dating, being an independent woman etc... It was at this time i was, studying, working and i went out 3-4 time a week so as you could imagine life was pretty full on for me.
I found myself is a cycle of working all week, shopping for new outfits for the weekend and speading most of my money enjoying life... which made me pretty happy. Id had a boyfriend who i was on and off with for a few years.. I remember time where i have a drink of burbon before going to bed just for the hec of it, id watch some tv and have a glass or two. I was doing other extra curricle activities that i wont mention too.
It was in 2004 that i started to question my life, when i would be out with friend, everything seemed great to me but when i was at home going to sleep i felt so depressed. I felt so alone and i had no goals, no aim and no real purpose.. What was i here for? Why did God create me?
Would i ever meet someone to share my life with? where would i be 5, 10, 20yrs? i had no answers to theses questions just a sad feeling of being lost... i felt like 'if i die tomorrow, no one would miss me, no one would care'. Id have dreams or more like nightmares of dying and noone being at my funeral..
Because i had the internet at work, id surf the net and read about interesting topics... i remember reading about matchmaking and i soon realise that i wasnt going to the right places to meet the right guy... So i thought how will i chose someone, according to culture, religion, love etc.... i soon came to realise that Religion is an important issue, so did i want to be with someone who was a Christian, a jew, a muslim, a hindu, a jahovas witness????????// who knows!!
So i thought to myself, i should pick a religion for myself and find someone according to my beliefs. id imagine that if id marry someone different that down the track if i did want to become more religious that it would cause problems...
So my journey Started, a few things changed for me over a few week/months
I started to think of Allah 100 times a day and more, now for me this was strange. Id see people on the train and try guessing their religion or if they even had one. Id see places of worship and wonder what was inside.
I thought about what would happen to me if i died, i was bound for Hell.. and it scared me!
I thought about people in my life who had passed away and wondered what was happening to them, did they meet our creator? were they being punished? were they happy sitting in paradise?
I had so many questions and a deep desire for the truth.
I said to my Best friend, you know what, im going to find out the right religion! :D Oh how much i ment it! SubhanAllah how Allah guides people. I know for sure Allah does know us more then we know ourselves.
i was reading books about the different Sects in Christianity, i read until i didnt beleive it, then id move on to another. I read some really interesting theories, but i was looking for real solid answers, i wanted some proof.. Id been a christian for a long time and had been exposed to the beliefs, my mum gave me the opportunity to go to church on sundays.. She didnt come with us but she dropped us off and picked up up! She said she wanted to give us the choice... this was when i was about 10 or 11yo.
Then i watched this movie, i cant remember what it was called but it was about the first black American child to go to a white school... it was really sad to see how racist ppl were... anyways, people protested and pulled their kids out of the school. The family was Christian and they had picture of Jesus in their house, on the cross, and others of him in the cradle etc.. Well in the movie the father pulled all the pictures depicting Jesus down.. The mother asked why are you doing this? He said that it was teaching his daughter that while people are superior and that she (the daughter said something referring to this.) The father thought it was wrong to have false imagines of Jesus, which were probably drawn by white people... Even as a young child i thought wow, he does have a point.. Who are these people to create fake imagine of someone and worship them.... So eventually i stopped going to Church...
I read about the Jewish belief and it sounds nice but some things i didnt like and felt wrong to me. Like if you convert to their religion your still not seems as a real jew until you have been in their religion for a certain amount of time and that a revert couldnt marry a rabbi because they are not at the same level (meaning she wasnt worth of him).. didnt seem really fair... i also discovered that in Judaism the woman becomes the mans property and if her husband dies, the bother in law can inherit her. How strange is that... Anyways just like Christianity has different sects so does Judaism.
so i moved on... i read about Hinduism, but it all just seemsed racist to me. they have a cast system and depending on the color of ur skin, it changed ur level/cast... people in a particular cast could only marry others of the same cast, and could only do particular jobs... i know it does sound abit weird.
I had done so much reading, i read at work, on the train, at home anywhere.... while i was waiting at the bank or the chemist.... i must have looked like such a nerd lol...
My first blog - the life of an Australian Revert
Welcome Everyone to my blog.
So im not sure how all this works but im going to give it a try. I am often asked about my experiences and journey of coming to Islam.
I guess i should tell you all abit about myself..
Im:
Australian woman
Grown up in Sydney Australia
Im in my mid 20's
I have two sons whom i love dearly
Im happily married
I was a Christian but reverted to Islam in 2005
I love my religion and it has been the best thing that has happened to me
I come from a very big family
i enjoy the sun and watching movies
By doing this blog i hope to remind myself of what i have been through, where i was and where i am now... and hopefully improve on myself. I want to share my experiences and give others some insight into what life is like living in Australia as a revert to Islam...
:D
Peace
So im not sure how all this works but im going to give it a try. I am often asked about my experiences and journey of coming to Islam.
I guess i should tell you all abit about myself..
Im:
Australian woman
Grown up in Sydney Australia
Im in my mid 20's
I have two sons whom i love dearly
Im happily married
I was a Christian but reverted to Islam in 2005
I love my religion and it has been the best thing that has happened to me
I come from a very big family
i enjoy the sun and watching movies
By doing this blog i hope to remind myself of what i have been through, where i was and where i am now... and hopefully improve on myself. I want to share my experiences and give others some insight into what life is like living in Australia as a revert to Islam...
:D
Peace
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