The Decision

The night that my aunty died, we had so many visitors..

And among them was a few Priest who were close to the family and had close ties to my grandmother and our community..

While they visited everyone sat in a circle and prayed for my aunty, they sung some christian songs and i felt so uncomfortable, i backed my self into a corner not wanting anything to do with them. They got my to join and it felt so wrong, i didnt beleive in anything they were saying, i felt like i was portraying Allah, i felt like i was sinning... How could i do this, a warning of Death has come to me, my aunty has died, i beleive in islam and yet im here with these ppl doing things that are Haraam

But i was in just shock and sorrow that i didnt have the heart to say anything.. :( I returned to my room to Read Quran, Alhdmuillah such peace came over my heart, i thought long and hard about my life, where i was and where i wanted to be....

I had to do something, i felt like i was in limbo... walking across the string of life, swaying from side to side.

What was i to do? The biggest Decision of my life was coming and i had no choice, i couldnt live life like this any more! Was i going to convert to Islam and live my life the way i wanted to and die in the State of ISlam or was i going to keep putting it off to please everyone else...

Ya Allah, help me, Guide me, Give me the strength i need to get through this. I prayed and cried so much..

By the morning time i had decided, i have to do this, i need to do this.. Allah has blessed my heart and opened my eyes to Islam to see the truth and no matter how hard it may seem all i could think about was, if i die and face my Lord and he asked my why i didnt accept islam, i couldnt say anything i had no excuse, no reason except that the Shaytan was making me think it was hard and that i didnt want to upset my family..

But will my mum hold my hard when i face my Lord, no one will, no one will answer for me or defend me.. .Im on my own and i should make this choice based on being on my own...

I sick of pleasing others, i need to do this for me...

I had decided in my heart that i will accept Islam, once my aunty is Buried and i return home im going to organise with my friend to say my shahadah inshallah..

I gave myself i time limit to when i will take this step... within the month i will be a muslim :D inshallah