That morning i woke up feeling the nerves and excitment..
So i got my clothes ready and shower, felt so strange to wear a skirt!
it was half way through Ramadan...
I was meeting the girls who would be my witnesses to my shahadah at the Mosque, to be honest i was thinking so much that i cant even remember how i got there... I remember walking through the gates of the Mosque and being greeted by my witnesses.
I went into a room and put a scarf on for the first time, i still to this day have it in my draws as a joyful reminder :D I tied my hair back! The lady that put my hijab on was such a professional, she did all these fold, pinned it here and there and Ta-daaa.. It felt so firm on my face, as if it was hugging me and i could some how hide my nerves behind it.
The reality of what i was doing was kicking in.. i almost felt sick from nerve but of course my new friends make me feel so comfortable that i got to relax enough to go to the bathroom to see how i looked with my hijab on... WOW when i looked into the mirror, is that me? I look so different lol, i looked like a REAL muslim.. My blue eyes stood out with the blue headband i had under my scarf. Mashallah how different i looked.
So here we go, just writing about my experience is giving me butterflies :D
I walked up the stairs to the woman's section of the Mosque, i had 5 witnesses, 2 men and three woman who were walking behind me... im looking up the stairwell thinking to myself, AM I REALLY DOING THIS? AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING? I felt the whispers of shaytan, doubting my actions.... but being in side the mosque was like a different world to me, it was so quiet, peaceful and calm. Well i thought if i do this and its not what i want or believe then this hole ceremony doesnt mean anything if i dont believe in it. Its only what you make of it and since i had built my expectation up so much and prepared myself for this day, both emotionally and spiritually!
I took my shoes off to walk on the carpet and we sat in a circle on the floor. i remember the sun shining through a window on me, it was beautiful and a reminder of who i was doing all this for... Allah, Allah is the One! So they talked me through all pillars and the Islam beliefs in angels, the day of judgement, paradise and hell etc... All the stuff they said, was just a reminder of what i had been learning for the past 18months. I agreed with it all! total sense and truth!
My heart was racing, a woman i had just meet was holding my hand, showing me such love and support. She was alot older then me, and was kind of a motherly support fugure. Even though i had just meet her and not spoken to her much, the kindness and love was just beeming off her!
time to read my Shahadah:
Ashadu la ilha ilallah, Mohammed wa rasullah (A bear witness that there is no god but Allah and, Mohammed is his final messanger)... Simple as that! i read it in english and Arabic..
As i said my Shahadah, i felt this weight lift of my heart. Unbelievable... I had been walking around with a heavy heart all my life and this one sentence just washed my heart... This burden was gone.. I cried... How Allah had chosen me to be here, to accept islam. All the doubts that i had coming into the Mosque, had gone... I knew and now know 200% that Islam is the true and right religion.. How could something give me such a feeling, such calm and ease.. I felt like, if i died, id be happy! Alhumdiullah! I was sin free, all my previous sins are forgiven and i got to keep all my good deed. I was like a new born baby!
This was the happiest day in my life, everything id been through, all those happy memories were nothing compared to this.. It was an experience and moment in my life that i share with complete strangers, yet so prefect!
They talked me thought the process of what i should do now, go home and have a shower, pray the sunnah and start fasting. Although at the time i couldnt case it was TTOTM for me!
I stayed with my new friend Jo, we had iftar at her house waiting for the rest of the guest to come, we watched a movie about the Miracle of the Quran ... There was atleast 10 ladies there.. They all congratulated me and hugged me.. So welcoming. I witnessed the true sisterhood of Islam, how were were all different, from race, language to background but one thing that pulled us all together AL ISLAM!! Alhdmuillah
I couldnt wipe the smile off my face! It was as if i was living a dream, living someone elses life.. Finally im a Muslim :D
After a long night of laughs, making new friends, great food and my first day as a Muslim i was being dropped off at home.. my mums house, reality was kicking it, i had to face my family. I was home alone and went to sleep like a baby with a smile on my face..
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