My life before Islam

so here we go, let me set the scene of life before Islam...

I was a Christian but the only time i ever did anything really 'christian' was at a funeral or wedding. I did think of God occasionally but i kept myself so busy that i didnt really think of the purpose of life.

At the age of 20 id been working in the City in a full time job for quiet awhile, had heaps of friends and a pretty good social life. My family was normal for this day and age. Id had alot of freedom from a young age so my parents were pretty comfortable with my lifestyle. So i did the usual 'fun' stuff, clubbing, drinking, playing pool, dating, being an independent woman etc... It was at this time i was, studying, working and i went out 3-4 time a week so as you could imagine life was pretty full on for me.

I found myself is a cycle of working all week, shopping for new outfits for the weekend and speading most of my money enjoying life... which made me pretty happy. Id had a boyfriend who i was on and off with for a few years.. I remember time where i have a drink of burbon before going to bed just for the hec of it, id watch some tv and have a glass or two. I was doing other extra curricle activities that i wont mention too.

It was in 2004 that i started to question my life, when i would be out with friend, everything seemed great to me but when i was at home going to sleep i felt so depressed. I felt so alone and i had no goals, no aim and no real purpose.. What was i here for? Why did God create me?

Would i ever meet someone to share my life with? where would i be 5, 10, 20yrs? i had no answers to theses questions just a sad feeling of being lost... i felt like 'if i die tomorrow, no one would miss me, no one would care'. Id have dreams or more like nightmares of dying and noone being at my funeral..

Because i had the internet at work, id surf the net and read about interesting topics... i remember reading about matchmaking and i soon realise that i wasnt going to the right places to meet the right guy... So i thought how will i chose someone, according to culture, religion, love etc.... i soon came to realise that Religion is an important issue, so did i want to be with someone who was a Christian, a jew, a muslim, a hindu, a jahovas witness????????// who knows!!

So i thought to myself, i should pick a religion for myself and find someone according to my beliefs. id imagine that if id marry someone different that down the track if i did want to become more religious that it would cause problems...

So my journey Started, a few things changed for me over a few week/months

I started to think of Allah 100 times a day and more, now for me this was strange. Id see people on the train and try guessing their religion or if they even had one. Id see places of worship and wonder what was inside.
I thought about what would happen to me if i died, i was bound for Hell.. and it scared me!
I thought about people in my life who had passed away and wondered what was happening to them, did they meet our creator? were they being punished? were they happy sitting in paradise?

I had so many questions and a deep desire for the truth.

I said to my Best friend, you know what, im going to find out the right religion! :D Oh how much i ment it! SubhanAllah how Allah guides people. I know for sure Allah does know us more then we know ourselves.


i was reading books about the different Sects in Christianity, i read until i didnt beleive it, then id move on to another. I read some really interesting theories, but i was looking for real solid answers, i wanted some proof.. Id been a christian for a long time and had been exposed to the beliefs, my mum gave me the opportunity to go to church on sundays.. She didnt come with us but she dropped us off and picked up up! She said she wanted to give us the choice... this was when i was about 10 or 11yo.

Then i watched this movie, i cant remember what it was called but it was about the first black American child to go to a white school... it was really sad to see how racist ppl were... anyways, people protested and pulled their kids out of the school. The family was Christian and they had picture of Jesus in their house, on the cross, and others of him in the cradle etc.. Well in the movie the father pulled all the pictures depicting Jesus down.. The mother asked why are you doing this? He said that it was teaching his daughter that while people are superior and that she (the daughter said something referring to this.) The father thought it was wrong to have false imagines of Jesus, which were probably drawn by white people... Even as a young child i thought wow, he does have a point.. Who are these people to create fake imagine of someone and worship them.... So eventually i stopped going to Church...

I read about the Jewish belief and it sounds nice but some things i didnt like and felt wrong to me. Like if you convert to their religion your still not seems as a real jew until you have been in their religion for a certain amount of time and that a revert couldnt marry a rabbi because they are not at the same level (meaning she wasnt worth of him).. didnt seem really fair... i also discovered that in Judaism the woman becomes the mans property and if her husband dies, the bother in law can inherit her. How strange is that... Anyways just like Christianity has different sects so does Judaism.


so i moved on... i read about Hinduism, but it all just seemsed racist to me. they have a cast system and depending on the color of ur skin, it changed ur level/cast... people in a particular cast could only marry others of the same cast, and could only do particular jobs... i know it does sound abit weird.

I had done so much reading, i read at work, on the train, at home anywhere.... while i was waiting at the bank or the chemist.... i must have looked like such a nerd lol...